Cannes and Cannots.

No Indian film has gone to Cannes this year.

The only film going from India is made by a Sri Lankan director called Vimukthi Jayasundara, called "Ghatak" and Vimukthi is Sri Lankan.

But we have sent Sonam Kapoor to "walk" the red carpet, and she has the wishes of Deepika Padukone that walked the damn thing last year.  Two years ago, Aishwarya Rai got mad that Sonam was going to walk that same red carpet where she goes every year to sell her perfume or deodorant or soap or whatever for that company she endorses.  This is what we get our idiots to go to Cannes for.

If I made a lousy cake, I would not go anywhere near a cake baking competition.  If I couldn't run fast, I wouldn't go anywhere near a running race.  If I didn't look good, I wouldn't enter a beauty pageant.  So, what is it with movies?  We make totally shitty movies, that even our audiences don't want to watch that much, but for some reason, these bozos from Bollywood, well, mostly from Bollywood, have no problem going to Cannes just to rub shoulders with some better film makers.  Don't these shitheads have any shame?  Or maybe they don't even know good cinema!  Wonder which is worse.

Listen to this Sonam Kapoor talk - it is all about the dress she is going to wear.  Fair enough.  She doesn't have much else to carry to Cannes.  That Rai woman has been going for years, and apparently it is a "dream team" to be on that red carpet with Eva Longoria and Lucy Liu!  God, can anybody NOT see that this is a way for that perfume company or deodorant company to cover all races and nothing else?  Okay, these three are old hags now, but what about young Sonam?  Why should she get sucked into this shit?

Because she can't find any real work.  By real work, I mean, finding a real movie to do, one that has a script and some integrity.  Her Dad Anil Kapoor apparently gave her a pen, according to an advertisement he features in.  Like he is some incredible achiever passing on some ageless ancient wisdom of his lineage to his young daughter!  Up until Slumdog Millionaire, which the whole of India shagged with for a while, even though it was not an Indian film, nobody in the world knew who the fuck Anil Kapoor was.  They still do not, but the Americans thought they should cast him in 24, to make 24 more "global".  So Anil Kapoor went!  He played a Middle Eastern prince!  Could he play an Eskimo?!!  This shit is hilarious.

The Americans are dumb enough to think putting Indian faces will sell their shit to India.  It won't.  We will buy OUR shit, or THEIR shit, not them making our shit, or us making their shit.  Why can't these nitwits wake the fuck up?  No Hollywood studio has succeeded in making an Indian film.  No Indian producer wants to make an international film.  There are a few but those chicks are horrible film makers.  They showed up in some of these festivals with their "issue based" shit because of the issues and because they were chicks.  Nothing else.  Now, there is a hole, and what a relief that must be!  It would be hard to defend any of our mainstream B-wood movies against anything of quality, a roadroller included.  Imagine what torture some of these fools must go through when they land in Cannes with totally pretentious, clueless movies that our audiences lap up with generous doses of forgiveness!

Now this Vimukthi kid has been devoting himself to watch Sathyajit Ray films.  Ugh!  Could he have found anybody less marketable?  And he's even mentioning how his film might open Indian films to international audiences!  Our films are already OPEN to international audiences!!!  There are any number of Patels and Singhs and other Indians all over the world.  All of them DO watch our movies!  Ray did make movies that people in film schools shag over, while the honest mainstream audiences mostly sleep.  Drowsy art.  But at the very least, Ray would not have chased after glory at Cannes.

Doesn't Europe produce shitty movies?  OF course they do!  French directors themselves are caught in a warped bubble of imagination that neither sells nor inspires, and hardly ever connects.  They are mad about Hollywood taking all their money, but will never make the kind of movies Americans make.  Americans don't care too much about high art, but are fantastic at telling stories on screen.  They keep it simple, and they take everybody's money.  So, Cannes wants as many rowdies in its gang as possible, and who to fill the gap better than Bollywood?  Just to make noise, not to show up with anything of quality - doing exactly what they do in India anyway.

Cannes = a place for our actors to show up.  TV = a place to find out where our actors are showing up.  Cricket grounds = a place for our actors to make sure they showed up.  Advertisements = seriously, what the fuck does Shah Rukh Khan know about paint?  Social causes = shoot endangered animals, but talk about saving the tiger.

Ah, showing up!  What else do Bollywood actors have to do anyway?  Why do they have to make this single act so painful for so many of us?

Why do we have to show up anywhere, anyway?


http://www.indianexpress.com/news/sonam-turns-style-diva-on-cannes-red-carpet/791883/

"The gown had a sense of humour"?  No shit.  The other Indian chick showed her panties?  Are you kidding me?  I bet there are some hooligans cheering and clapping there.  There'd be many more if these fools did this on the streets of Mumbai, but they won't be white skinned.  Anything for whitey, bitches?

Well done, Bollywood.

- BSK.

Here we fall again!

I really didn't want to do it again. 

But since when did Osama Bin Laden become the "world's most wanted terrorist"?  How is it even possible?

Spitting on India's media whores is one of my most annoying and irritating reactions, but if we don't watch what they are saying, they really will bullshit us.

I have no idea why North Indian English language media outlets have to parrot US media outlets, no matter what garbage those idiots spew out.  There has been plenty of terror by so many organizations, including the US military, well before Sept 11th, 2001.  Now that we have broadly concluded that only terror conducted by Muslims is popularly acceptable as terror, let's take another look at this pompous rank of "most wanted" given to Osama Bin Laden.

Seriously, as an Indian, I couldn't wait to get my hands on Dawood Ibrahim.  I couldn't really give a rat's ass about Osama Bin Laden.  I'd like to lynch those bastards we spinelessly released when IC 814 was hijacked and we allowed ourselves to be blackmailed.  That was the Taliban, and the scum released were Mushtaq Ahmed Zargar, Ahmed Omar Saeed Sheikh and Maulana Masood Azhar.  The last of these scum is our most wanted terrorist, for he has done much damage since.  Between him and Dawood Ibrahim, it's stiff competition.  OBL is nowhere in this race.

India is 18% of the world's population.  The USA is 4%.  Our most wanted terrorist is the world's most wanted terrorist, unless the Chinese are chasing one of these dicks.  Fuck the 4%.  There ends the argument.

OBL the most wanted in the world?  What the heck are you talking about?  This is the sort of absolute fiction our media vomits on us every time there is an event of any significance that tickles the USA.  I have said time and again that our journalists, particularly the English speaking bitches are not just self absorbed megalomaniacs, they are plain stupid.  Their incompetence is monumental in most situations.

Today, the woman on NDTV, said at 6:55 PM, "That was Osama Bin Laden's speech to the American people", just after President Obama finished his speech to his people.  Indeed, the world's most wanted terrorist being on the news must have scared them into blabbering shit like this.  I often wonder if they even think about what they are saying.  Clearly, it is not hard to see how bad these fools are.

Now, we're busy listening to Hameed Gul, the ex chief of the ISI, and that fox Pervez Musharraf, who is always happy to talk to our North Indian English news channels.  Gul has headed one of the shadiest outfits in the world, that actively arms and supports terror groups in the name of national interest, and is particularly inimical to India.  We don't need to show the prick any respect.  Period.  Now, he is on TV, trying to convince us very nicely indeed that a fortress that American forces had been keeping an eye on for months, only 800 metres from the Pakistan Military Academy, not far from Islamabad, could not really have been Osama Bin Laden's hiding place.  But he must have come there for treatment or something!!!   Treatment?  Well shit!  I thought he was the world's most wanted terrorist!!!??   And we're listening to this bullshit?  Well, let me try one here!  Please.  "Osama Bin Laden was a bird lover and at this time of the year, the blue necked mynah is famous for singing its mating tune, and so Bin Laden must have come to watch it in these peaceful neck of the woods."

Back to Pervez.  That son of a bitch that was part of that whole Kargil war in which they got their bums kicked, even though we lost 400 lives before deciding to use fighter jets.  Mushy cannot even come to his own country for fear of being thrown in jail.  So, he's in asylum in the UK.  But today he is the expert telling us that there is no way this operation could have been carried out without the active assistance of the Pakistani intelligence agencies.  This comes AFTER the US has officially stated that they went and did this alone!  Now let me get this straight - this is the country which claims they didn't even know where Osama Bin Laden was.  This is the country that has regularly attacked NATO convoys, supplied terrorists with weapons, money and training, and even officially claimed that this is nothing wrong when done in national interest, and now we're listening to an exiled general from that country telling us that Pakistan co-operated and co-ordinated an attack on one of their guests?  Do we really look that stupid?

Of course our North Indian English language media will never embarrass its guests, but it has no problem choosing monkeys to come as guests.  Let's get one thing straight, for heaven's sake!  Pakistan, the state, is the ENEMY of the nation of India.  Pakistan is lawless and will remain so!  We will never get any story straight from the Pakistani state.  Shahid Afridi may be the innocent buffoon they send to genuinely repair this image, and we love that buffoon and the cricket his team plays, but even there, freaking match fixing!  Dirty.  This is one filthy neighbour we have.  Let's not measure them with our scale of decency, even though we ourselves are pretty dirty.

There is a lot of "he said, she said" going on at the moment.  I don't give a rat's ass who said what.  If I was leading India (as opposed to misleading it), I'd look at actions.  I haven't seen any actions in reality that give me confidence in either Pakistan or the USA.  Those two richly deserve each other, because both are opportunistic foxes.  Why do we have to come into any equation with either of them?

Why is this so hard for our media to project?  Why is our society so backward in our thinking that we somehow imagine we are inferior and need to be approved by the USA or "the world"?  We shouldn't give a fuck.  That is a great attitude that has worked very well for Israel, and there is no reason it should not work for us.

Incompetence, they name is India.  We know.  But do we have to constantly look for ways to get worse?

- BSK.