14 June 2012

Number 1 in Number Two.

While the presidential "race" is hotting up in New Delhi, the human race seems to have little to look forward to in India.  In fact, it has plenty to look back on, literally.

http://www.thehindu.com/sci-tech/energy-and-environment/article3524150.ece

We are officially the #1 country for doing #2 in the open!  No shit.  Just too much of it.

The government is taking steps to curb open defecation.  Again, no shit.

http://www.thehindu.com/news/states/tamil-nadu/article3301113.ece

We still have the massive stigma of human excreta removal procedures. 

http://www.thehindu.com/health/policy-and-issues/article3524423.ece

Who the fuck ever said India is a superpower?  Make those fools do this job first.

But we're smart enough to rope in, who else apart from Sachin Tendulkar, for this campaign against shitting in your face: Shah Rukh Khan.  Perhaps from now on, instead of waving his hand with a thumbs up, he will show two fingers.

http://www.thehindu.com/todays-paper/tp-national/article3329786.ece

He sells fairness cream, so I guess it must be fashionable for him to tell people not to shit in the open.  Maybe he can sell some kind of superglue that will stop people from shitting all together?

Seriously, who are the bums that will listen to Shah Rukh Khan and decide not to shit in the open?  In fact we should be grateful nobody takes a shit while listening to him.

Apparently, Sikkim has become India's first Nirmal state.  I have no idea what this non-English word means, but I reckon it must mean that despite 60% of the world's open air shitters being in India, in Sikkim you can shit indoors most of the time.

We're hoping that Kerala and Himachal Pradesh achieve this status.  A status?  Can we take aim any lower?

There are umpteen reasons we may be lagging behind and setting new standards in the negative with this enormous statistic of sixty percent of the world's open air shitting going on in India.  This is by number, and not by mass or weight, mind you, so there is scope for some optimist to come up and say patriotically, "But we don't take such big shits!"

I think the reason we take shits in the open is because we just don't give a shit.  It is an extension of the same habit of leaning on others in a queue for no reason.  It is the same attitude behind spitting paan and being loud and rude in public.  We don't care about contamination, and we don't care about sickening ourselves or others.  We are not human enough for that.

Building more toilets is only going to solve the problem to some extent.  What do we do to get Indians to use them?  What about keeping them clean?  What about water supply to those toilets, and what about accountability in maintaining them?  If it is profitable to steal the tap and sell it in the market, the Indian will do it.  If it is profitable to pull out the entire toilet and sell it, the Indian will do it.  The only way to curb this menace is to make shit profitable.  If these open air shitters could take a dump in an envelope or a box and bring it to a government office and get paid fifty rupees every day, it might work to some extent.

For sure, shit is manure.  If done in the fields, it can add some value as a fertilizer.  But it adds no bloody value if we shit all over railway tracks, beaches, river banks, and city streets.  People doing this must be punished.  It costs about Rs. 6000 to set up a toilet at home, so every ration card holder must be inspected and given a toilet if there is none at a home.  If not, the community toilet must be built and access provided.  Beyond this point, if anyone still takes a shit in the open, that person's ration card must be voided.  How hard can this be?  Agricultural labour income is now fixed at Rs.500/day, and there are plenty of vacancies, but nobody wants these jobs.  Go figure.  One month work, and toilet guaranteed, but no thanks.  We will do shitty jobs, live without hard work, and shit in the open!

With Indians, it is nothing but attitude, and we refuse to come out of low decency behaviour.  11 million people shitting on railway tracks every single day is just an unbelievable number.  I'm surprised more trains don't trip and fall because of this.

Then the cost of disease control.

There is no bigger disease than Indian attitude.

Hopefully we don't start a new festival of shit.

- BSK.